I still remember that flow of tears
As we moved her
From one hospital to another
With a hope
She will be back home soon
She always did before.
They leave a vacuum
In our lives
When they leave, our Mothers.
A space that no one can fill
No matter what.
They reside in each cell of our being
And that speaks volumes of what they bring to our lives.
I tell myself
It was a relief
For her when she left
Though
I am unhappy about the pain and suffering
She underwent.
Each time she was asked
She said ok.
The awareness
With which she lived
Her last months
She shared with me.
Her words still ring in my head,
"The body can't bare it anymore
And I am ready
For all of this to end
So you can be restful.”
It broke my heart.
She wept sometimes.
Silent tears
Would stream down her cheeks
As I wiped them.
She had questions then
Asking often,
What wrong did she do
To feel the pain.
I would choke up.
I would pray then
More fervently
That she was free from pain.
There was such a conflict
For I know pain does accompany
an ailing & ageing body.
I did not want her to die.
She left me some lessons.
Some words of advice.
A few do’s and donts.
Words I can't share
With others
For those
She told in confidence.
She spoke of her bonds.
Her memories of parents who had deceased decades ago .
She spoke especially of her father
Who was so warm with his daughters. So encouraging.
She told about her introverted mother
Who rarely spoke
Yet she felt her love.
Her Siblings
Who rarely called now
With whom she herself could not keep up.
She then told me
What I need to do
When she left .
What transitions life goes through !
It’s a wonder
How many of us
Will know how to live this life truly as it’s meant to.
She was warm, giving and tender
Till the very end.
She had sought forgiveness
And made peace with all.
Alpana Issar-
Alpana finds writing and sharing her poems via the written word very fulfilling as she is able to express herself to a larger readership. From her teenage years she has written and contributed to the institution journals and later towards the community newsletters &magazines.
A few of her poems have been published in a couple of anthologies edited by Dr Roopali Sircar Gaur &Dr Anita Nahal.
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