Part 1
You are so beautiful.
You take my breath away,
Each time I see you,
I feel myself lesser than before.
Oh what is it about you
That drives me so insane with desire ?
Your big brown eyes look into my soul.
I fear you see through the holes
That I present as my whole.
These were the words
He would say to me
And wrote the most endearing of letters.
How could I stay unaffected ?
How could I not want this more?
I cannot even begin to tell you
How I felt
When he came near me
And looked into my eyes.
With his fingers
He would trace the shape of my lips,
And sigh.
Oh! It was so thrilling
Just like in the movies.
He wanted to marry me
But that would land him in jail
I was yet to be eighteen.
I wanted him too
And fretted that if I delayed
He would find someone else.
He looked so handsome
Just like a movie star!
You both insisted
My groom had to be from the community
From the same faith.
I knew that you wouldn’t agree.
I was full of this ‘crazy love’.
I did not know It was a lie .
It was deceit and he was a cheat.
Father, You always prophesized
True love comes once
Desire can be in our lives many times.
You told this to my mother
As you would romance her poetically.
You said, she was the one
You loved and desired.
Over and over again.
It imprinted in my mind .
I wanted the same .
At Seventeen
All I knew was that he said he loved me.
He did love initially , Father
(But got brutal later.)
I was kept behind closed doors
So my skin wouldn’t darken
By the hot burning sun.
Food , fruits and a maid to care for me.
There were windows up there
But rather high
And quite small.
Sometimes
A bird would come and sing there
For me
As through the day I was quite lonely
And sad
I missed you and amma .
Part 2
A few months later
When I turned eighteen
We got married.
And moved further away.
You’d ask why I did not write or call.
I felt the shame of letting you down.
After , girls are the honour of the family .
And I had run away with an unknown Jamal.
I know you must have worried
and searched long for me.
Shared my image with the police
With no other information at all.
But I also knew
There were other sisters to settle in life .
So I kept far and quiet.
Few years have passed
And I live alone now .
He ran away
After giving me talaq.
Sold me to another man.
I was trapped
and the bait was
foolish dreams and a handsome man.
I have a life so different now .
One that is of shame and guilt
And cowardice .
The trafficking trade has me
In its claws.
To runaway
Will be walking into cruel death’s jaws.
I can live with the luxury of knowing
Good food and clothing
Will be at my behest .
I have a house fitted with the best.
I also have connects
With the rich and powerful
Yet I am powerless
If I want to leave this all.
Part 3
Baba and amma
I have taken a call
I am thirty
And of little use here.
I will be flying further away.
And the knowing
That this will be my last flight
Further, far away from you
Breaks my heart,
But you should be aware
That I love you lots.
I have a little girl now.
One of my own
A sweet angel with browner eyes than mine
For whom
I want to create a home.
Safe and fortified
From the ugliness
And the untruths people tell.
Maybe if am alive
We will meet
In this life time
Or else
Just know
That your little girl
Has finally found courage
And has come of her own.
That too, because
She understands Love
The love as a parent for her own.
Alpana Issar
I do believe we can get through this thing called life smoothly if we reach out to each other earnestly . There is enough for all if we share. An artist by profession and have been a teacher by vocation. Life has been beautiful with all the challenges thrown at us . We just grow stronger.
Teacher, Painter, Photographer and an outreach activist. Presently living in Vishakapatnam on the eastern coast of India. I am grateful for the way of life which has given me many fine opportunities to hone and develop my skills as a person with many interests. I have also been very fortunate to travel through India and abroad, learn about different cultures and learn a foreign language while living in Chile Published poetry in two Anthologies by Dr Roopali Gaur Sircar & Dr Anita Nahal.
Diverse voices In all the spaces and Earth fire water wind .
A good exposure to understand that life is about narrations and expressions so we may know we are not alone in this world.
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