I endeavor hard to practice the art of acceptance and stay sangfroid in the face of provocation. There are little things that irritate and fill me with a sense of dissatisfaction and make me feel I am not growing any more. Maybe I am growing in years but not in my demeanor. Often I recall with nostalgia, ‘Those happy days crystallized and transfixed in photo frames, jeering at me making me feel that in the past I have been happier as compared to the present as future seems cloudy. I am reminded of the words of Dorothy Wallis, “He is always telling me, about the good days and how he’d not exchange his youth for all the modern ways."
I am a human who falls prey to follies and foibles. The fleeting nature of time, the repetitive nature of events and mundane routine makes me feel one with the words of playwright Samuel Beckett “Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes, it is awful.” But afterwards my sagacious sensibility nudges me from my futile search for outward forward journey in life. It counsels me to look for the changes inside. It enlightens me that life can only be understood backwards and must be lived forward.
Well, I look beyond the crystallized moments and ask myself- Has my vision broadened in the rainbow journey of life? Has my canvas got splashed with myriad hues of lessons learnt and soul chastened, chiseled for betterment? Has my inner-self mellowed imbibing positive vibes in my flash and soul? Haven't I become more patient and don’t click the panic button often? A peep into the inside makes me realize that as a person I have been evolving and minute changes taking place in my persona.
In this journey to the interior I realize how my priorities have been changing without my noticing them. As a child, I wanted a new polka dot pink frock that my friend wore, as adolescent it was a wrist watch, in youth I looked forward to meeting a Prince rescuing damsel in distress and now in my mellowing years it is the joy of sitting leisurely with pad as pen poises, fingers ready, to allow the ink to flow, seeds of thoughts on paper are sown. With gratitude to Divine power I bow.
Now I have an epiphany that every minute we evolve, grow and learn but these small changes go unnoticed. The conflicts and chaos continues but we learn to make peace with them, our outlook changes, there may not be apparent signs of growth but definitely we grow. This is a journey of beyond life, a dignified surrender to the will of Almighty. How aptly Charles Dickens observes, “Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”
As the time flies, look for the changes within, fill the canvas of life with the strokes of serenity and solitude.
Brief Bio Note
Dr. Ritu Kamra Kumar is working as an Associate Professor in Post Graduate Department of English, MLN College Yamunanagar, Haryana, India. An avid writer, she has contributed 300 write ups, articles and poems in National newspapers, Woman's Era and coffee table books. Around 30 research papers of hers have been published in national and international research journals and anthologies. She has authored four books-
1. Configurational Coordinates of Woman's Space in Select Novels of Shashi Deshpande
2. The Priceless Petals
3. The Strokes of Solitude
4. Kalp Vriksh: Seth Jai Parkash's Journey of Compassion, Passion and Philanthropy
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